Late Show UK

Late Show Roundup for 3rd to 7th September 2007 - www.lateshowuk.com/late-show-weekly-roundups

Monday’s show was a rerun of the “Drew Carey, Nikki Blonsky, Grinderman” show.

Tuesday’s guests were former US President Bill Clinton and musician Patti Scalfa. “President Bush was in Iraq for eight hours - nice to see he has an exit strategy”. We start off the show tonight with someone from the pre-show Q And A coming down for a photo with Dave (it was the guy’s birthday) - he comes down, they take the picture, then Dave sends him away telling the stage hands to close off the balcony - heh! Next up, we learn JetBlue are still having some problems with their flights (George Bush had a stopover somewhere I think) and we also learn of the secret bathroom code that Larry Craig knew, and the airport’s now made their bathrooms more “romantic” following this incident. Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was up next (George wonders how we can secure the US against terror threats - needless to say, he has nothing to say). Dave then runs through a list of things he’s done in preparation for Bill Clinton’s visit tonight (but he didn’t manage to cut back on the pre-show cocktails). The best item off that list was the frisking of the Late Show rats - got a pretty big laugh (some security guys with those detectors). The first guest out tonight (and the only guest - barring the music later on) was ex-US President Bill Clinton. This guy always comes across as a very likeable and down-to-earth guy - I can see why he was President. Bill talks about Hillary’s Presidential campaign and what he’s doing to help, whether there’s a chance he could become Vice President (Bill said he probably wouldn’t be interested even if it was a possibility in the constitution), Hillary’s advice to him appearing on the Late Show (”Don’t make news”) and his new book about how everyone can do their bit to change the world. Patti Scalfa closed the show with some good music.

Wednesday’s guests were Danny Devito, Larry David and Avril Lavigne. New York cabs are on strike - they’re refusing to wear deodrant… First up on the show tonight, Dave tells us about some pre-show “horseplay” that went wrong (a bit of an insight into what goes on backstage before the show). Dave says he was dancing with his assistant, and Sue Hum came through the door only to be knocked sliding across the floor when Dave accidentely whacked her - oops! Sue comes out, Dave apologises, and we move on with the show (”Please don’t come out again”). When Dave’s reading out who’s on the big show tonight, a voiceover comes on with some commentary saying Dave’s “merely killing time until he could return home”. Up next was a short segment about John McCain (”thanks for the question you little jerk”), then another short segment - this time about the New York City cab strike. Late Show staffer George Clark is up next - has he been on the trains today (as he looks all sweaty) - nope, he’s been in the men’s bathroom - zing! Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was up next with George making himself look stupid. A new segment tonight - “Mark Twain Tonight” - featuring Johnny Dark with a beard and wig on - featuring jokes and other bits (”I told my son about the birds and the bees, then he told me about the mailman and my wife”). After the Top Ten List (the “Mahmoud Stern” one made me laugh), Danny Devito comes out for a chat. Danny talks about his bad luck on holidays - he nearly drowned whilst out surfing - and ended up naked (he didn’t need a towel though…). He also talked about urinating in the sea (where else are you meant to go at the beach?), his new restaurant over on International Drive in Miami and the new series of his TV show called It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which will be shown over in the UK on Virgin 1 in October). Dave says he hopes the meal him and Paul get at Danny’s restaurant will be free of charge - Danny’s not so sure. Larry David was up next (unusual to see him on a chat show - the first time he’s been on the Late Show apparentely). Larry talked about being bald (Paul’s a “fake bald” person, he says, as you can’t see his true state of baldness), his career as being a standup comedian (he said he sometimes walked out before starting - just after he saw the crowd) and his career as a personal chaffeur (can’t imagine it myself). The lady he used to chaffeur around used to have bad eyesight, so Larry told her the car was clean and he was wearing a suit and that would be fine - even though he wasn’t. Avril Lavigne finished the show with a beautiful performance.

Thursday’s guests were the lovely Jessica Alba, George Saunders and music from the Manchester Orchestra. Tonight we begin with the audiotape that was leaked of Larry Craig leaving an answerphone message for his lawyer (he called the wrong number). Next up, we learn of the new multi-fare ruling that’s been put in place due to the taxi strike in NYC - we see a taxi cab go past with passengers on the hood of the car, and on the roof - hmm, doesn’t look too safe. Then Biff comes out and asks Dave if he needs any coffee, anything to eat, etc. Dave says he’s fine and accuses Biff of only standing there so he can get a glimpse of the lovely Jessica Alba when she comes out - Biff feels insulted and leaves (”Maybe you should kiss my ass… I’m getting too old for his s***”). Next is Great Moments In Presidential Speeches with George Bush saying they always seem to have round-table discussions at square tables - oh dear. Next up, Dave has a cute story about his son who went to school today - his son told everyone in his class “daddy got up and ran to the potty”. Then we have a segment called “A Day In The Life Of The 2008 Presidential Campaign” - I love the theme music they use here - they’ve used it quite a bit in the past - really catchy - where we find out George W. Bush hasn’t decided “whether or not to run for a third term” and how George would kill for the 3% figures Dennis Kucinich has. The first guest out tonight was the beautiful Jessica Alba, who has a new film. Jessica talked about her time travelling (including when she went on-stage at a 50 Cent concert in Amsterdam) and Dave gets out the copy of Cosmopolitan magazine she’s on the cover of. Dave starts reading out the Q And A in the magazine (he’s done this for another guest in the past but I can’t think who it was now) - Jessica says her favourite shows are The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - Dave feels neglected. Jessica says sex on a first date is fine, but sometimes finding a parking space is better. Jessica’s new film involved her doing her own stunts - she chipped her tooth in one scene. Dave then tells us an anecdote of when he phoned up an adult chat line a long time ago - he allergic to fragrant oils, he told the woman on the end of the phone. Alan’s then up next - telling us that everything over at kalterworld.com (all the “adult novelties”) are lead tested - good to know… He makes us all feel sick again. Comedian George Saunders is the next guest tonight. He talks about his new book, how he got into a Chicago Bears game as a child (he sat on his dad’s shoulders as they didn’t have enough tickets and the clerks never look up, as they are too busy collecting the tickets) and his past jobs (including being a “knuckle puller” - made his hands go like claws apparentely). To close the show, some music from the Manchester Orchestra.

Friday’s guests were TV food show host Rachael Ray, newspaper columnist Frank Rich and music from British band, Arctic Monkeys. “Here’s how you can tell it’s almost autumn in New York City - the shadow of the guy following you is longer”. Another amazing feat out on 53rd Street tonight - there’s a guy who says he can hold the same note on a saxophone for something like 45-50 minutes. Sounds incredible - something to do with “circular breathing” (Paul Shaffer thinks that’s a song). He’s going for the record attempt and the British guy from the Guiness Book Of World Records is there to oversee things (they had him on there overseeing another challenge before I think - it may have been for the “Most shirts worn” record attempt). Next is a segment for new hit film “3:10 To Yuma” where we learn Larry Craig is a fan of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe - he gives the film an outstanding review (”Russell Crowe and Christian Bale are so ruggedly handsome you’ll want to commit a lewd act in a movie theater bathroom stall”). Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was next. As it’s Friday, it’s time for Fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun Facts! Rachael Ray was the first guest out this evening. Rachael talked about her TV show, how much filming she has been doing (the pace seems a little hectic to say the least), travelling around the world tasting food (she thinks she’s bad luck as natural disasters seem to happen wherever she goes - hurricanes, earthquakes…), getting thrown out of scouts when she was younger (she’s now an honorary member), restaurants (Dave says they’re all infested with rats and other creatures), working in restaurants as a child (her earliest memory is burning herself whilst at work in one of her parent’s restaurants) and having a waxwork model of herself somewhere in New York (Dave says if you squint, everyone looks like Cher) - Rachael says they’ve given her a better “rack” than in real life. Some talk on sweet breads (what are they?) closes the interview. The next guest out is Frank Rich. Frank used to be a reviewer of Broadway shows, and he now writes his own newspaper column. He talks about his column, the Bush Administration (”a gift that keeps on giving”) and his time as a reviewer (the worst show he ever saw involved someone in the audience being sick - and that was before they saw the show). Then we cut back to the guy out on 53rd Street attempting the saxophone record - unfortunately he didn’t beat the existing record (something about moisture build-up). “There are no losers” though - the Late Show girls come out to greet him. British band, Arctic Monkeys, closed the show with a cracking performance. That’s all for this week.

To see who’s on forthcoming shows, please go to www.lateshowuk.com/guest-listings. Previous Late Show Roundups can be found here.

Jon Stewart will be hosting the 80th Annual Academy Awards on the 24th February 2008. This will be the second time Jon has hosted the event - he hosted the 78th Oscars ceremony. Jon has been quoted as saying “I’m thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time’s a charm”. Read more on the official Oscars website here.

Upcoming guests to look out for include Paris Hilton (on the Late Show on Friday 28th September) probably talking about her recent high-profile stint in prison, Whoopi Goldberg (on the Late Show on Thursday 27th September) talking about her new job on The View, Stephen Colbert from The Colbert Report (on the Late Show on Wednesday 10th October), and Seth MacFarlane from Family Guy (on the Late Late Show on Wednesday 26th September).

British stars Hugh Laurie and the Editors (on The Tonight Show on Friday 21st September), new British musical talent Paolo Nutini (on The Tonight Show on Tuesday 18th September), our very own ex-Eastender Michelle Ryan (on The Tonight Show on Monday 24th September) promoting her new TV series The Bionic Woman, the always-entertaining Ben Stiller (on the Tonight Show on Thursday 27th September), and British artists KT Tunstall and James Blunt (on The Tonight Show on Monday 17th September and Tuesday 18th respectively).

Ex-President Bill Clinton (on The Daily Show on Thursday 20th September) and Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond & film star Christian Slater (on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross - BBC ONE - on Friday 21st September).

Full guest listings are available here. Also, don’t forget Diva TV launches on Sky in the UK on the 1st October and will be home to the Late Show With David Letterman (which will be shown on a delay).

Update - Michelle Ryan was not on The Tonight Show on the 24th in the end.

Guest listings updated - www.lateshowuk.com/guest-listings

Email newsletters sent out - www.lateshowuk.com/email-newsletters

Post updated on 17th September at 21:19.

Two shows we cover here went home with awards last night. The award for ‘Variety, Music or Comedy Series’ went to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and ‘Writing, Variety, Music or Comedy Program’ went to Late Night with Conan O’Brien (AP).

Apparantly one of the biggest laughs of the night occured when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert announced Ricky Gervais had won an Emmy for Extras. Gervais couldn’t be there, so Stewart explained they were going to give the award to Steve Carrell (The ‘US’ Office) who joined them on stage for a group hug.

Monday’s guests were Susan Sarandon, Sports Illustrated writer Rick Reilly and music from Feist. Tonight we’re in for another “likeness of Biff” treat. We’ve had Biff in ketchup, the questionable Biff in ice, Biff in post-it notes, someone getting a tattoo of Biff on their leg - and the list goes on. Tonight we have someone doing a likeness of Biff in sand - the guy’s doing the sand sculpture outside. Dave checks back in with him throughout the show to find out how he’s doing. Up next - it was the Miss Teen USA contest, and we see some poor dear trying to answer something. Then we have George W. Bush in Great Moments In Presidential Speeches, followed by a special segment marking the end of summer (is it the end of summer already?) - What We’ll Miss About Summer (featuring various Late Show staffers) - in which we learn Dave the cameraman has hired himself a couple of women, Pat Farmer’s been whacking people with a bat - oh, and Alan made us all sick again (”wrap your fingers around this Roman candle”). After the Top Ten list, the first guest out tonight is Susan Sarandon (Dave can’t believe she hasn’t been back to the Late Show in such a long time), who discusses her flight over on the same plane as Rick Reilly who’s on the big show tonight, her child (and Dave’s son, Harry - Dave says he’s already fully grown), and her new film Mr Woodcock which looks quite good. Up next - we check back in with the sand sculpture guy - the Biff sculpture looks very nice. The next guest out is Rick Reilly from Sports Illustrated. He talks about the hate mail he gets from cheerleaders (which coincidentally is the subject of his new book), and Michael Vick - amongst other things. Feist closed the big show with their fantastic song, 1 2 3 4.

Tuesday’s guests were Kevin Bacon, little-league champion Dalton Carriker and music from T.I. with Wyclef Jean. Tonight we learn of a new Osama Bin Laden version of the ever-popular High School Musical - we cut to a clip of Osama and his buddy “singing” - heh. Then we move onto Larry Craig (US senator) who got arrested in public toilets for reasons we won’t go into here - followed by a short video piece. Some guy comes in to do some vacuuming next - he thinks the show’s over as it was so quiet - oh dear. Great Moments In Presidential Speeches is next - tonight we have Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagon before cutting to George making himself look like an idiot. A nice segment with Ruper tonight with friend of the Late Show, Deborah Lynn - the psychic (or is it an intuitive?). It’s Psychic Soup! Loved the theme tune for this. Deborah didn’t guess the soup correctly (she was blindfolded) - but Dave gave her the prize anyway. Little-league champ Dalton Carriker was the first guest out tonight (he added “Yes, sir” after everything - which was cute). Quite nice to have a guest on who’s not plugging a book or something. The next guest was Kevin Bacon. He talked about the trekking he used to do - they used to pack everything except water and had to squeeze water out of their swimming trunks to survive - oops. Music from T.I. with Wyclef Jean closed the show - quite good.

Wednesday’s guests were talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres, Curb Your Enthusiasm actor Jeff Garlin and music from Against Me! “Leona’s dog is going to use that $12 million to organize fights between NFL players”. Michael Vick’s found Jesus, but Jesus says he doesn’t want to be pulled into this awful mess re: the dog fighting. Alan’s wearing a jacket made out of cardboard tonight - hmm, looks trendy. Alan does a little dance in honour of Ellen (who dances on her show) and he dances himself out the back of the Theatre. Osama’s not been hiding in caves apparantely - latest intelligence indicates he’s staying at one of his friend’s houses - making for a brand new CBS sitcom apparantely - “The Militant Islamist Terror Mastermind of Queens” (a take on “The King Of Queens” I think). Dave’s off to Yankee Stadium for batting practice tonight so he’s rushing through - Paul says he doesn’t blame him. A message from Larry Craig (the senator who got arrested in a public toilet recently) - featuring some mashing up clips. After tonight’s Top Ten list (”Signs your neighbour is hiding Osama”), Is This Anything is back. Wait a minute - that’s not a real contestant - that’s right, it’s the “F*** you” guy! When Dave and Paul say they think his act is nothing (one of the plates wasn’t even spinning!) he gets angry and tells everyone to, well, er - you know. Dave got the “f*** you” treatment twice for some reason. Ellen DeGeneres was the first guest tonight - she’s about to start a new season of her popular talk show, but she finds it hard to think of new questions to ask guests all the time and gets bored asking the same ones all the time. She says a lot of people alwayhs come up to her and ask her to dance - even when she’s in the doctor’s surgery. One of my favourite Dave quips tonight has to be during Ellen’s story of her at her friend’s wedding when someone came up to her and said “I loved watching you bawling” - Dave comes back with “been a while since you did any of that”. Zing. Dave also reinacts something from one of his parties when a woman came up to him - drunk - and says she hates his show. The interview ends with a question about pears… Tonight we have another one of Abraham Lincoln’s film reviews - this time it’s The Bourne Ultimatum, which got four stove-pipe hats. The next guest out is Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm, who has a new film out. He talks about Viagra commercials and an embarrasing truth about his son. Music from Against Me! closed the show - I liked this song.

Thursday’s guests were Hillary Clinton (who - of course - is running for President) and music from Kenny Chesney and Willie Nelson. It’s the 14th anniversary of the Late Show tonight - congrats. “Here’s how lovely it was in New York City today - Senator Craig came out of the men’s room squinting”. “It’s our 14th anniversary here at CBS. 14 years? I’m just another dumb guy without an exit strategy”. Audience Show And Tell is back tonight! Featuring a guy who can play harmonica using his nose (one of Dave’s favourite songs apparantely), and a guy who can put a tennis racket on one leg, and push it around his body so it comes off the other leg - pretty impressive. A special Top Ten list tonight to commemerate the 14th anniversary of the Late Show - “Things I Have Learnt Working At The Late Show” - featuring various Late Show staffers (some Dave recognises and others he doesn’t). Biff says “for a man who just turned 60 Dave is surprisingly senile” - Dave thanks him. Hillary Clinton had an extended guest slot on tonight’s show. She, of course, talked about running for President, what she has planned for Iraq (she wants to start withdrawing troops now), her campaign and where she’s been, what it’s like to have Bill out on the campaign trail (Dave asks is he needs reminding he’s not running for President himself), Dave’s jokes about her pant suits (she has some of them written on cards), her summer jobs when she was younger (gutting fish), whether the US is ready for a female President and she does her very own Top Ten list (”Campaign Promises”) - “One more pantsuit joke and Letterman disappears”. Hillary came across really well - seems very likeable. Music from country legends Kenny Chesney and Willie Nelson end the show with a good slow country song - I enjoyed it.

Friday’s guests were Amy Sedaris and Will Arnett. Tonight we have another trick out on 53rd Street continuing the summer extravaganza of jumping over cars/cabs. Tonight they have a guy jumping over a cab on stilts. I noticed they only closed one lane of the road again - an accident waiting to happen? Luckily, nothing went wrong. The guy’s friend has actually tried this with a moving car - he says the video’s on YouTube somewhere. A segment featuring Mother Teresa now - apparantely she endorses Arby’s. Then we have a short video for walrus penises(…). Then Dave says Nicole Ritchie was jailed for just over an hour - is that enough punishment? “The Late Show - Scaring audiences straight since 1993″. Great Moments In Presidential Speeches is next - George likes saying “Huh”. It’s Friday, which means Fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun facts! Some are thought-provoking and others are funny. After the Top Ten list, the guy out on 53rd Street jumps over the cab on stilts - really impressive - he only just made the landing without falling over. Amy Sedaris is out next - she’s always hilarious and weird (in a good way). The first thing she did when she came out was taking a slurp of “coffee” from the Late Show mug - everything she does makes me laugh for some reason. Amy says she doesn’t like the summer as the holidays don’t involve presents, unlike the winter ones. Dave says he has a swimming pool - and Amy says Paul and Dave were up for some award for best kiss. Ah, and she checked the Late Show couches for change - as she’s been counting up her quarters lately. Will It Float was next - tonight’s item is tartar sauce - it floats (it actually sinks to begin with then comes back up to the top). Will Arnett was the next - and final - guest tonight. I enjoyed the rendition of the “Will It Float” theme tune when he entered - with the words changed to “Will Arnett” - very good. Will talked about people in Sweden, the commercial voiceovers he does and his new film - The Brothers Solomon. That’s it for this week.

Guest listings for upcoming shows are available at www.lateshowuk.com/guest-listings and the archive of Late Show Roundups is available here.

Guest listings updated - www.lateshowuk.com/guest-listings

Late Show Roundup for 27th to 31st August 2007 - www.lateshowuk.com/late-show-weekly-roundups

Post updated on 16th September at 16:05.

Monday 17th September - Douglas Farah (Rerun)
Tuesday 18th September - Alan Greenspan
Wednesday 19th September - Gen. Wesley Clark
Thursday 20th September - Former President Bill Clinton

Monday 24th September - Bob Costas, Jim Gaffigan, Rilo Kiley
Tuesday 25th September - Jamie Foxx, Heather Graham, Mike Birbiglia
Wednesday 26th September - Ted Danson, Patton Oswalt, Devendra Banhart
Thursday 27th September - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Ed Helms, Bjork
Friday 28th September - Seth Meyers, Bret Michaels, Jose Gonzalez

Updated 25th September 2007.

Monday 24th September - Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Dennis Kucinich, Diana Krall
Tuesday 25th September - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jeff Corwin, Reba McEntire with Vince Gill
Wednesday 26th September - Steve Carell, Madison Pettis, Bright Eyes
Thursday 27th September - Ben Stiller, Tony Snow, Raul Midon
Friday 28th September - Teri Hatcher, Kevin McKidd, Queen Latifah

Updated 25th September 2007.

Monday 24th September - 50 Cent, Emily Deschanel
Tuesday 25th September - D.L. Hughley, Kaitlin Olson, Hannibal Burress
Wednesday 26th September - Marg Helgenberger, Seth MacFarlane, the National
Thursday 27th September - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Oliver Hudson, Cary Brothers
Friday 28th September - Greg Kinnear, Paul Morrissey, Raul Midon

Updated 30th September 2007.