Late Show UK

This page gives a brief inventory of current and past segments from the Late Show With David Letterman.

This page was last checked for broken video links on 30th August 2008.

Currently on-air

Lyle The Intern - Fake intern Lyle would come out and sit in one of the guest chairs and chat to Dave about things going on in his life and he would offer advice to his “bro” Dave. Lyle is depicted as an easy-going student. Lyle The Intern is played by Jimmi Simpson. You may have also seen Jimmi in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Video clip of the Lyle The Intern segment below.

Let’s Talk About The Candidates - This is an audience segment where members of the audience ask questions about the 2008 Presidential candidates to Dave and Dave would try to answer them. The segment always ends with Dave revealing that someone has dropped out of the Presidential race and someone posing as an audience member would say “What? I can’t believe it!” and go screaming out of the back doors of the theatre, punching some Late Show staffers on the way through. Video clip below.

Action News - This segment first appeared in early 2008. Dave sometimes interrupts other bits of the show with this segment. It usually appears during the Fun Facts segment but has also interrupted other ones as well - including the Top Ten list. In the Action News piece, Dave looks at the camera - normally to the side of the desk - and reads out some cheesy news headlines and funny news stories in the style of a stereotypical US news anchor. The piece ends with “That’s all coming up tonight on Action News”. Of course, there’s no such show as Action News.

Johnny Twain Tonight (originally called Mark Twain Tonight) - Johnny Dark (from the old CBS Page segments) is sitting down in his chair out in the main area of the stage. In this segment he plays a comedian in the style of Mark Twain (so he’s known as Johnny Twain in this), with an act usually starting with “Oh hello, sorry I didn’t hear you come in”. Jokes include “My wife is so ugly last night she was at the beauty shop for two hours - that was only for the estimate”. There’s a clip below.

Johnny Lincoln Tonight - Similar to Johnny Twain Tonight, but this time Johnny Dark is playing Abraham Lincoln. There’s a video clip below.

Osama Bin Laden tapes - Every now and again Dave reveals there’s a new tape supposedly from Osama Bin Laden. Some old Bin Laden footage is shown dubbed over by a Late Show voiceover guy. The voiceover guy usually ends with “oh and death to America”. See the clip below for a special Academy Awards edition.

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches - This feature starts off with clips of two past US Presidents then cuts to George W. Bush making himself look stupid - stuttering over his words, forgetting what he’s doing, not knowing his left from his right, trying to go out of a locked door, and so on.

This segment usually appears on the Late Show every night. There have also been times where they would digitally change the Presidents in the speeches with Late Show staffers - for example, they had Tony Mendez holding up cue cards and Sue Hum touching up make up - and various staffers taking turns to sit in the audience (digitally added) of a Presidential speech (namely Alan Kalter, Johnny Dark and others). Check out the clip below for a classic edition of Great Moments In Presidential Speeches.

Top Ten - This segment has been going for a very long time (since the days of Late Night With David Letterman over on NBC). The Top Ten list usually appears daily - although sometimes they don’t have time to do it, or cut it from the show (often you will see Dave saying they will do the Top Ten list after the ad break, but it doesn’t appear). They sometimes get celebrities on to read the Top Ten list - including Billy Bob Thornton and the NASCAR drivers. The segment usually opens with Dave saying “Here’s tonight’s Top Ten list, let’s try this” - followed by an animated opening (usually a cab going through New York, panning between an animation of the Pyramids in Egypt or moving through the animated New York City buildings).

Small Town News - This segment starts with a catchy theme tune from Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra, and his similar to The Tonight Show’s segment called Headlines. Dave reads out small pieces from newspapers that are odd or strange. Including such things as music quartets with more than four people and misprints in newspaper adverts. Small Town News was dropped for a while, but has now been revived in a slightly tweaked format (less talking from Dave).

Will It Float? - This usually airs every week (if there’s time for it) and is usually shown on a Friday. It involves the two Late Show girls standing next to a big see-through tub filled with water, in which they drop an item in to see if it floats or sinks. Dave and Paul guess whether they think it will float or sink before they drop it in. Alan Kalter always starts the segment telling us what they can win tonight if they’re right (of course, this is fictitious) and what the floating/sinking item is going to be. After Alan’s announcement, Dave then usually gets out the fictitious Will It Float board game (and sometimes the fake Xbox and Playstation versions), and sometimes reminds us it’s based on the BBC’s “It Is Buoyant” (which, of course, is not a real show).

Fun Facts - This segment airs on a Friday, and features fun facts sent across from “Gary” at the “Federal Bureau of Miscellaneous Information (FBMI)”. Dave says he met “Gary” at Paul’s wedding. These facts can be humourous, thought-provoking or just plain odd.

Know Your Current Events, Audience Show And Tell and Stump The Band - All of these are audience segments where Dave goes down to stand in the Late Show audience and picks out a select few of people to take part in the game. Know Your Current Events usually consists of multiple categories and the audience member needs to select which one they’d like to answer questions from. These categories include Know Your Current Events and Know Your Cuts Of Meat. They are then presented with a question with a joke answer. Most of the time they guess incorrectly, and are given a dinner for two coupon and they used to be given Explodopop (It’s carbo-licious!) and another gift such as shampoo - but this rarely happens now (they are only given the dinner for two coupon). Audience Show And Tell involves audience members showing or telling us something interesting - including appearing in TV shows and films as extras, being able to do something odd with their body or something similar. Stump The Band - as Dave says - was “stolen” from The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson. An audience member tells the band a song they know, then the band pretend they know it - and play a random song loosely related to the song title they were told. The audience member then sings the correct version of the song - and are given a prize (dinner for two, usually). Stump The Band used to begin with Paul Shaffer wearing a big hat doing a piece about knowing the answer to the question without having seen the question in the envelope before.

Is This Anything? - This segment used to be featured pretty regularly, but only makes an appearance every now and again (for example, in an interview with Sharon Osbourne in 2007 - when she was being interviewed about America’s Got Talent). It involves someone coming on to show a talent they have and Paul and Dave decide whether it’s “anything” or not. The act emerges from behind the curtain on the stage. The hula hoop girl and grinder girl are usually present during this feature.

Stupid Human Tricks and Stupid Pet Tricks - Featuring members of the public who can do amazing things (or their pets can do amazing things). This segment has been going since the days of Late Night With David Letterman on NBC.

Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview - A spoof segment involving cutting to Alan sitting with a guest who Dave has just interviewed. Alan then calls Dave something, then he storms off (after insulting the guest).

Defunct segments

Len Easton - This segment used to appear quite often. The phone on Dave’s desk would ring and Dave would comment on how that was strange and it’s not been plugged in for years. He would then pick up the phone and a highway patrolman called Len Easton would be on the other end of the line. Len Easton couldn’t hear what Dave was saying though. It would sound like it was a police radio intercepted and the Len Easton character on the phone would say he was part of the California highway patrol followed by some police reports regarding what he’s doing on his patrol at the moment. There phonecall would usually end with inaudible high-pitched speaking from the guy on the other end of the phone and Dave telling him to go away.

Old Turkey Buzzard - Dave used to be a bit obsessed with the song Old Turkey Buzzard and it used to play whenever he threw one of his blue cards through the window behind the desk. They even booked the singer (Jose Feliciano) on the show to perform the song live. Video clip of this segment below.

Wildfire - This was exactly the same as the segment mentioned above except they used the song Wildfire. Again, they had the singer of Wildfire on the show at one point to perform it live. Wildfire was used first and then the segment was changed to use Old Turkey Buzzard instead. I can’t find a clip of the segment, but see below for the live performance of the song on the Late Show.

Deborah Lynn segments - There have been a few Hello Deli segments featuring Deborah Lynn. Deborah is a psychic and has been involved in segments like Psychic Sandwich (where she had to try to guess what sandwich she was holding whilst blindfolded).

What’s On The iPod? - This game appears every now and again and involves Rupert in the Hello Deli putting on his iPod headphones and singing (badly) to the song he’s listening to. A contestant picked from outside the deli has to guess what Rupert’s singing. The contestant wins a prize and a deli platter if they guess correctly.

Johnny Dark (Oldest CBS Page) - Johnny Dark has been on many different programmes over the years, but came to the Late Show a few years ago. His act consists of sarcastic remarks, quick wit humour and insults to Dave and othe Late Show staffers. He usually stood by the stairwell in the theatre and spoke to Dave about what’s happening in his life, and he would usually end the segment by lighting up a cigarette with Dave telling him he didn’t think he was allowed to smoke in the theatre building. Johnny also sometimes finished his act by riding on his imaginary horse. He has also been a couch guest before, instead of standing by the stairwell. When Dave asked him how it was working for CBS for 38/39 years, he would say “Living the dream Dave - living the frigging dream”. There’s a clip below.

CBS Mailbag - This segment was brought across from NBC (but changed it’s name from Viewer Mail to CBS Mailbag). This segment is no longer shown on the Late Show. It’s not known why the piece was axed - I used to really enjoy it. Viewers from home used to send Dave mail (or emails) which he would read out on air and answer any questions from them - with some amusing outcomes.

Putting Away The Late Show Bear - Ran for one season, I think. Used to involve a man in a bear costume down in the basement of the Ed Sullivan Theater - and they used to get one of the Late Show staffers or a member of the audience to lock him away behind a heavy door. The bear used to be sponsored by various people each time - Dave saying any company can buy this (fictitious) sponsorship to have their company name on the bear’s t-shirt.

Late Show Week In Review - Used to be a regular segment on the Late Show most weeks (used to air once a week - usually at the end of the week). Featuring some funny observations from the week gone by.

May We Shave You For Spring? - This was a one-off segment on the Late Show I think, involving Rupert Jee in the Hello Deli. He would go out into the street to find someone who they could shave. When he found the guy with a beard, they’d bring him into the deli and lay him down on a barbers chair and shave off his beard.

A Message From George W. Bush - This piece used to be shown before being replaced by Great Moments In Presidential Speeches. It used to have the same layout as Great Moments In Presidential Speeches, except without the past President clips before George W. Bush’s clip.

It used to show George W. Bush messing something up. Other variations existed - for Dick Cheney and other people. They also did a version called “George W. Bush - What?!” See a classic edition below.

True Tales Of New York City Accountants - I’ve put this in the “defunct segments” section, but it does usually make an appearance when tax season arrives every year. It consists of a clip of a real New York City accountant (usually sitting in their office) doing something amusing.

True Tales Of Late Show Interns - Similar to True Tales Of New York City Accountants but featuring Late Show interns instead. This segment is still sometimes revived every now and again.

Biff Henderson’s Sidewalk Olympics - Used to show Biff going out on the street to find New York olympic events using things like New York cabs and hot dog stalls.

Harold Larkin’s Ice Breakers - Late Show staffer Harold Larkin used to go out on the street to inflict his “ice breakers” on people - including using loud sirens and megaphones, etc.

More With Les - I’ve put this in the “defunct segments” section, but it does sometimes make an appearance. Dave gets CBS President Les Moonves on the phone to discuss football, and upcoming CBS schedules amongst other things.

Bird Flu And You With Pat Farmer - A one-off segment (around the time of the bird flu outbreak) featuring Pat Farmer explaining how to avoid bird flu - ending in a fake death in a taxi cab. As Dave’s always says, as it’s a pandemic you must remember to sterilize your pan!

Hello Deli Easter Meatball Hunt - A one-off segment for easter - featuring someone from outside the Hello Deli coming in to play a game with Rupert - an easter egg hunt - but with meatballs instead of easter eggs.

Why They Won’t Be On The Late Show - A piece explaining why guests won’t be on the Late Show (at the time, featuring waxworks of various celebrities). The segment was also done for a second time - with a slightly different layout - and a musical theme (Martin Short came out to sing).

7-Eleven Giveaways - Someone claiming to be CEO of 7-Eleven stores, Jim Keyes, comes out to talk to Dave and the audience about their latest promotion all thanks to Dave’s generosity. Jim used to say Dave was offering 7-Eleven free slurpees, muffins and hot dogs if you just go into a store and tell them that Dave sent you. Jim Keyes popped up on the Late Show a few times to announce various fictional giveways to celebrate different events and times of the year. The segment would normally end with Paul Shaffer asking Dave if that was actually the real CEO of 7-Eleven. Dave usually said he didn’t think it was.

George Clarke’s It’s A Fact - I’ve put this on Defunct Segments but I think it sometimes comes back every now and again. This segment featured George Clarke appearing on camera bruised and beaten saying something like “Women on the street don’t like to be called ‘candy pants’… it’s a fact!”

Crescent Springs Village - Dave’s done this segment a few times but I’ve put in in Defunct Segments as it doesn’t usually appear anymore. Dave goes off to his special ‘living room’ set in the theatre and usually sits on an armchair or stands next to one. He starts to read out a promotional speech for selling property at Crescent Springs Village. This is a send up of those timeshare commercials you sometimes see. Dave says there’s a golf course there too… of course it’s not really a real place. Dave would usually end the segment saying something like “Crescent Springs Valley really does have it all”.

Pat Farmer’s Anything Can Be Musical - This was done back in 2005, but I think they did bring it back once or twice more recently, but I’m not sure. In the 2005 version, Dave would cut over to Pat who would be ready to prove anything can be musical. In the clip below we see Pat proving socket wrenches are musical, but something happens afterwards - watch below…

Bionic Guy - This was a one-off video piece starring Chris Elliott. Of course there’s The Bionic Woman but this is Bionic Guy (not The Bionic Guy). Chris has never heard of The Bionic Woman before when Dave questions him about it. The video segment sees Chris Elliott as Bionic Guy. See the clip below.

Gerry & Chris’s Kitchen Nightmares - Gerard Mulligan and Chris Elliott with a new pretend programme for CBS, which is remarkably similar show to Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. As per the Bionic Guy segment, Chris Elliott and Gerard don’t know what Dave’s talking about when he questions him about how they came up with the idea. Check out the clip below.

Skink The Bounty Hunter - This video segment appeared a few times but now seems to be defunct. It featured Gerard Mulligan and Chris Elliott taking the law into their own hands - like the programme Dog The Bounty Hunter. There’s a video clip below.

Dave Working At The McDonalds Drive-Thru - Dave would pose as a McDonalds employee for people going through the drive-thru with some hilarious responses. Letterman asked some people if they could go out and get some more onions - as they were running a little low - and some ground beef. Video clip below.

Dave Working In Taco Bell - Similar to the segment above, but this time Dave worked at Taco Bell. I think they used this clip as a ‘warmup’ for the audience when I went to see the Late Show being taped in October 2007.

There are also several other Hello Deli one-off segments not mentioned here - with Rupert Jee and contestants hand-picked by him (usually female) from outside the deli.