Late Show UK

Monday’s show was a rerun of the “Drew Carey, Nikki Blonsky, Grinderman” show.

Tuesday’s guests were former US President Bill Clinton and musician Patti Scalfa. “President Bush was in Iraq for eight hours - nice to see he has an exit strategy”. We start off the show tonight with someone from the pre-show Q And A coming down for a photo with Dave (it was the guy’s birthday) - he comes down, they take the picture, then Dave sends him away telling the stage hands to close off the balcony - heh! Next up, we learn JetBlue are still having some problems with their flights (George Bush had a stopover somewhere I think) and we also learn of the secret bathroom code that Larry Craig knew, and the airport’s now made their bathrooms more “romantic” following this incident. Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was up next (George wonders how we can secure the US against terror threats - needless to say, he has nothing to say). Dave then runs through a list of things he’s done in preparation for Bill Clinton’s visit tonight (but he didn’t manage to cut back on the pre-show cocktails). The best item off that list was the frisking of the Late Show rats - got a pretty big laugh (some security guys with those detectors). The first guest out tonight (and the only guest - barring the music later on) was ex-US President Bill Clinton. This guy always comes across as a very likeable and down-to-earth guy - I can see why he was President. Bill talks about Hillary’s Presidential campaign and what he’s doing to help, whether there’s a chance he could become Vice President (Bill said he probably wouldn’t be interested even if it was a possibility in the constitution), Hillary’s advice to him appearing on the Late Show (”Don’t make news”) and his new book about how everyone can do their bit to change the world. Patti Scalfa closed the show with some good music.

Wednesday’s guests were Danny Devito, Larry David and Avril Lavigne. New York cabs are on strike - they’re refusing to wear deodrant… First up on the show tonight, Dave tells us about some pre-show “horseplay” that went wrong (a bit of an insight into what goes on backstage before the show). Dave says he was dancing with his assistant, and Sue Hum came through the door only to be knocked sliding across the floor when Dave accidentely whacked her - oops! Sue comes out, Dave apologises, and we move on with the show (”Please don’t come out again”). When Dave’s reading out who’s on the big show tonight, a voiceover comes on with some commentary saying Dave’s “merely killing time until he could return home”. Up next was a short segment about John McCain (”thanks for the question you little jerk”), then another short segment - this time about the New York City cab strike. Late Show staffer George Clark is up next - has he been on the trains today (as he looks all sweaty) - nope, he’s been in the men’s bathroom - zing! Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was up next with George making himself look stupid. A new segment tonight - “Mark Twain Tonight” - featuring Johnny Dark with a beard and wig on - featuring jokes and other bits (”I told my son about the birds and the bees, then he told me about the mailman and my wife”). After the Top Ten List (the “Mahmoud Stern” one made me laugh), Danny Devito comes out for a chat. Danny talks about his bad luck on holidays - he nearly drowned whilst out surfing - and ended up naked (he didn’t need a towel though…). He also talked about urinating in the sea (where else are you meant to go at the beach?), his new restaurant over on International Drive in Miami and the new series of his TV show called It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which will be shown over in the UK on Virgin 1 in October). Dave says he hopes the meal him and Paul get at Danny’s restaurant will be free of charge - Danny’s not so sure. Larry David was up next (unusual to see him on a chat show - the first time he’s been on the Late Show apparentely). Larry talked about being bald (Paul’s a “fake bald” person, he says, as you can’t see his true state of baldness), his career as being a standup comedian (he said he sometimes walked out before starting - just after he saw the crowd) and his career as a personal chaffeur (can’t imagine it myself). The lady he used to chaffeur around used to have bad eyesight, so Larry told her the car was clean and he was wearing a suit and that would be fine - even though he wasn’t. Avril Lavigne finished the show with a beautiful performance.

Thursday’s guests were the lovely Jessica Alba, George Saunders and music from the Manchester Orchestra. Tonight we begin with the audiotape that was leaked of Larry Craig leaving an answerphone message for his lawyer (he called the wrong number). Next up, we learn of the new multi-fare ruling that’s been put in place due to the taxi strike in NYC - we see a taxi cab go past with passengers on the hood of the car, and on the roof - hmm, doesn’t look too safe. Then Biff comes out and asks Dave if he needs any coffee, anything to eat, etc. Dave says he’s fine and accuses Biff of only standing there so he can get a glimpse of the lovely Jessica Alba when she comes out - Biff feels insulted and leaves (”Maybe you should kiss my ass… I’m getting too old for his s***”). Next is Great Moments In Presidential Speeches with George Bush saying they always seem to have round-table discussions at square tables - oh dear. Next up, Dave has a cute story about his son who went to school today - his son told everyone in his class “daddy got up and ran to the potty”. Then we have a segment called “A Day In The Life Of The 2008 Presidential Campaign” - I love the theme music they use here - they’ve used it quite a bit in the past - really catchy - where we find out George W. Bush hasn’t decided “whether or not to run for a third term” and how George would kill for the 3% figures Dennis Kucinich has. The first guest out tonight was the beautiful Jessica Alba, who has a new film. Jessica talked about her time travelling (including when she went on-stage at a 50 Cent concert in Amsterdam) and Dave gets out the copy of Cosmopolitan magazine she’s on the cover of. Dave starts reading out the Q And A in the magazine (he’s done this for another guest in the past but I can’t think who it was now) - Jessica says her favourite shows are The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - Dave feels neglected. Jessica says sex on a first date is fine, but sometimes finding a parking space is better. Jessica’s new film involved her doing her own stunts - she chipped her tooth in one scene. Dave then tells us an anecdote of when he phoned up an adult chat line a long time ago - he allergic to fragrant oils, he told the woman on the end of the phone. Alan’s then up next - telling us that everything over at kalterworld.com (all the “adult novelties”) are lead tested - good to know… He makes us all feel sick again. Comedian George Saunders is the next guest tonight. He talks about his new book, how he got into a Chicago Bears game as a child (he sat on his dad’s shoulders as they didn’t have enough tickets and the clerks never look up, as they are too busy collecting the tickets) and his past jobs (including being a “knuckle puller” - made his hands go like claws apparentely). To close the show, some music from the Manchester Orchestra.

Friday’s guests were TV food show host Rachael Ray, newspaper columnist Frank Rich and music from British band, Arctic Monkeys. “Here’s how you can tell it’s almost autumn in New York City - the shadow of the guy following you is longer”. Another amazing feat out on 53rd Street tonight - there’s a guy who says he can hold the same note on a saxophone for something like 45-50 minutes. Sounds incredible - something to do with “circular breathing” (Paul Shaffer thinks that’s a song). He’s going for the record attempt and the British guy from the Guiness Book Of World Records is there to oversee things (they had him on there overseeing another challenge before I think - it may have been for the “Most shirts worn” record attempt). Next is a segment for new hit film “3:10 To Yuma” where we learn Larry Craig is a fan of Christian Bale and Russell Crowe - he gives the film an outstanding review (”Russell Crowe and Christian Bale are so ruggedly handsome you’ll want to commit a lewd act in a movie theater bathroom stall”). Great Moments In Presidential Speeches was next. As it’s Friday, it’s time for Fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun-fun Facts! Rachael Ray was the first guest out this evening. Rachael talked about her TV show, how much filming she has been doing (the pace seems a little hectic to say the least), travelling around the world tasting food (she thinks she’s bad luck as natural disasters seem to happen wherever she goes - hurricanes, earthquakes…), getting thrown out of scouts when she was younger (she’s now an honorary member), restaurants (Dave says they’re all infested with rats and other creatures), working in restaurants as a child (her earliest memory is burning herself whilst at work in one of her parent’s restaurants) and having a waxwork model of herself somewhere in New York (Dave says if you squint, everyone looks like Cher) - Rachael says they’ve given her a better “rack” than in real life. Some talk on sweet breads (what are they?) closes the interview. The next guest out is Frank Rich. Frank used to be a reviewer of Broadway shows, and he now writes his own newspaper column. He talks about his column, the Bush Administration (”a gift that keeps on giving”) and his time as a reviewer (the worst show he ever saw involved someone in the audience being sick - and that was before they saw the show). Then we cut back to the guy out on 53rd Street attempting the saxophone record - unfortunately he didn’t beat the existing record (something about moisture build-up). “There are no losers” though - the Late Show girls come out to greet him. British band, Arctic Monkeys, closed the show with a cracking performance. That’s all for this week.

To see who’s on forthcoming shows, please go to www.lateshowuk.com/guest-listings. Previous Late Show Roundups can be found here.

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